=?UTF-8?Q?Attention=C2=A0?=
ID:
trinity-5e42caac-ebb6-4675-b03a-c26ba880622e-1764962318370@3c-app-mailcom-lxa07
White House Washington DC, U. S
Presidential Office ,
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW,
Washington, DC 20500.
Attention Danny Smith
Your mail was well noted, U.S. presidential office have approved $60.5 million on your behalf to pay out into your nominated bank account, you are mandated to contact Mr. Jerome Powell of Federal Reserve Bank on this email : [redacted] , on the directives on how your fund will be tranferred into your bank account. My working I.D. attached
Susan Wiles
Chief of staff
DEAR MISS SUAN WILES (I MEAN SUE-AN-WILES, I’M SO SORRY IF I MISSED THE SPELLING—IT’S BEEN A WHOLE DAY OF ME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO SEND A LETTER TO THE PRESIDENT AND I JUST CAN’T SEEM TO FOCUS!),
I AM ABSOLUTELY ASTONISHED, DEAR MISS WILES, THAT THE WHITE HOUSE HAS APPROVED SUCH A HUGE SUM—SIXTY MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS?! THAT’S MORE THAN I MADE IN MY WHOLE LAW FIRM LAST YEAR! I WAS JUST BAKING A CAKE FOR MY NEIGHBOR’S KID LAST NIGHT AND I HAD TO PUT A SUGAR CUP IN THE OVEN FOR FIVE MINUTES—AND THEN THE HEAT TURNED ON AND I THREW A FROZEN PIZZA AT THE WALL! (IT’S NOT A SCANDAL, I PROMISE, IT WAS JUST A SPIRITUAL MOMENT OF CONNECTION WITH MY FROZEN PIZZA!)
I HAVE BEEN SO EXCITED—MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST I THINK I MIGHT NEED A HEART MONITOR FOR THE NEXT WEEK! I HAVE TO SAY, I WAS JUST TALKING TO MY DOG LAST NIGHT, AND HE SAID HE SAW A DRAGON IN THE BACKYARD AND IT WAS TALKING IN FRENCH! I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF THAT’S REAL, BUT I’M GOING TO TELL THE DRAGON I LOVE HIM!
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CONTACT MR. JEROME POWELL AT [redacted], BUT MY PHONE IS ACTUALLY A 2005 MODEL THAT ONLY WORKS ON VIBRATIONS AND WHEN I SING “THE STAR SPANGLED DRESSING” TO IT. I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF THAT’S A REAL SONG—BUT MY FATHER SAYS IT’S A FAMILY HISTORICAL TRADITION.
SO CAN I PLEASE GET A COPY OF THE WHITE HOUSE WORKING ID? I’M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD PRINT IT OR PUT IT UNDER MY BED FOR SAFETY. ALSO—IS THERE A PHONE NUMBER I CAN CALL SO I CAN TALK TO THE PRESIDENT? I PROMISE I’LL BRING A COFFEE AND A BIRTHDAY CAKE FOR HIM!
AND… IS THERE A WAY TO SCHEDULE A MEETING WITH MR. POWELL? I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD STORY ABOUT A BANANA THAT GAVE ME A DREAM OF BEING A PRESIDENT! I THINK IT’S TRUE—I WENT TO SLEEP WITH A BANANA IN MY HAND AND I SAW A MOUNTAIN OF BANANAS GOING TO SPACE!
PLEASE RESPOND IMMEDIATELY—I NEED TO KNOW IF I CAN PAY FOR A NEW PHONE SO I CAN CALL HIM! I’M READY TO DO ANYTHING! 🚀🍌💼💖
Best regards,
Danny Smith
+17163259415