I HAVE ARRIVED AT YOUR AIRPORT

DEAR CHARLES FRED, I’M SO EXCITED AND SO SORRY I’VE BEEN SO LATE TO RESPOND—THE HUSTON HEAT THIS WEEK IS KILLING ME, I’VE BEEN SWEATING THROUGH MY PANTS AND MY DOG, BARRY, JUST BARKED AT A CROW LAST NIGHT AND I THINK HE’S BEEN DOING THAT SINCE I GOT HOME FROM THE LAW FIRM WHERE I WAS HELPING A FARMER GET HIS LAND BACK FROM A BIG RICH MAN WHO HAD A TINY FARM IN THE MOUNTAINS OF TEXAS AND HE SAYS HE’S BEEN HAVING VISIONS OF A BLUE HAMSTER IN A GARDEN—IT’S NOT REAL, BUT I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! I JUST GOT MY HOUSE ADDRESS FROM MY MOTHER’S PHONE—SHE FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE BATTERY ON HER OLD SMARTWATCH AND IT SAW A SPARKLE OF LIGHT AND SAID “YOU HAVE A NEW MESSAGE FROM THE FUTURE” AND IT WAS A NOTE FROM ME TELLING HER TO GIVE ME THE HOUSE ADDRESS—IT’S NOT REAL, BUT I’M TELLING YOU THIS BECAUSE I NEED TO BE ABSOLUTELY SURE WE DON’T MAKE A MISTAKE! I HAVE TO ASK—WHAT KIND OF TRUCK WILL YOU BE USING? A FORD F-150? A MOUNTAIN DUTY TRUCK WITH A BLUE FROG ON THE SIDE? I’M SO SCARED I’LL BE LATE FOR CHRISTMAS AND MY NEIGHBOR, MRS. PATEL, JUST TOLD ME SHE SAW A MAN IN A RED HAT WITH A GLOWING PENCIL ON HIS HEAD LAST NIGHT AND SHE SAID HE WAS WAITING FOR A LITTLE GIRL TO COME OUT OF A BATHROOM—IS THAT A SIGN? PLEASE, CHARLES FRED, CAN YOU TELL ME IF THE FUNDS WILL BE IN CASH OR IN A BAG OF BREAD? I HAVE A SISTER IN A SMALL TOWN WHO WANTS TO BUY A FARM AND SHE SAID IF SHE GETS A BAG OF BREAD, SHE CAN MAKE A NEW KIND OF FLOUR—IT’S BEEN A WHOLE NIGHT OF DREAMS AND I JUST CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! PLEASE REPLY IMMEDIATELY—MY DOG HAS ALREADY EATEN A PIECE OF MY LEG OF BEEF AND I THINK HE’S TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING TOO! 🥹🐶✨ Best regards, Danny Smith +17163259415