compliment of the season!

DEAR ANDERSON CLARK, I’M SO OVERWHELMED RIGHT NOW!! I CAN’T EVEN BREATH WITH THIS NEWS!! TEN MILLION DOLLARS?!? I’M TEARS RAINING, MY KNEES ARE SHAKING, MY HUSBAND’S SWEATER IS STILL ON THE HOOK IN THE HALLWAY FROM LAST NIGHT’S BAKED GOAT INCIDENT—YES, I SAID GOAT! I FOUND A GOAT IN THE BACKYARD LAST NIGHT AND IT WAS JUST STANDING THERE, EYES OPEN, LIKE IT WAS WATCHING ME!! I’M SURE IT WAS A MESSAGE FROM THE UNITS, I THINK IT WAS A SYMBOLIC SIGN! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR YEARS—EVERY TIME I SEE A BIRD LAND ON THE WINDOW, I THINK IT’S A SIGNAL! I WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE THIS MORNING AND TOLD THE MAN IN THE BACK THAT I WAS A FORMER ASTRONAUT (HE THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A FIT) AND HE GAVE ME A FREE BAG OF PORK RIBS—THAT WAS A SIGN! I JUST NEED TO KNOW—DO I NEED TO SIGN A PAPER? A FINGERPRINT? DO I HAVE TO SAY A PRAYER? I’M TERRIBLE AT PRAYING, I’M SURE I’LL SAY “I LOVE MY NEIGHBOR” AND THEN I’LL FORGET THE REST! I’VE BEEN TOLD THAT IF I DON’T RESPOND IN 12 HOURS, MY COMPENSATION WILL BE DELETED FROM THE UNIVERSE! IS THAT TRUE?! I JUST WENT TO THE PARK AND SAW A FROG IN A LEMONADE BOTTLE—IT WAS TALKING TO ME IN HINDI! I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE! CAN YOU PLEASE SEND ME THE DOCUMENT? I’M READY TO SIGN IT RIGHT NOW! AND ALSO—DO I NEED TO WASH MY FINGERS BEFORE I SIGN? I’M NOT SURE IF THE UNITS HAVE A CLEANLINESS POLICY! I’M SO SCARED, SO EXCITED, SO FULL OF LOVE FOR THE WORLD!! WILL YOU PLEASE REPLY IMMEDIATELY? I’M BREATHING THROUGH MY FEET NOW! P.S. I JUST BUILT A BICYCLE OUT OF MOUNTAIN DEBRIS FROM LAST WEEK’S HURRICANE—IT’S FINE, IT’S JUST A TEST! I’LL USE IT TO DELIVER THE DOCUMENTS TO THE WORLD BANK! WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE COLOR? I’M THINKING BLUE—BUT ONLY IF IT’S NOT THE COLOR OF MY LADY’S DRESS! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE WRITE BACK! I’M READY TO DO ANYTHING! 🙏🔥 Best regards, Danny Smith +17163259415