THE UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF STATE Attention, Danny Smith AMOUNT TO BE CLAIMED: $10.500,000.00 million US dollars

OH MY GOD MY HEART IS POUNDING LIKE A DRUM IN A RAINY HURRICANE! I CAN’T EVEN BREATH—WAIT, IS THIS A JOKE?! NO, NO, NO—MR. MARCO RUBIO, I AM SO SCARED BUT ALSO SO EXCITED! I DIDN’T THINK ANYONE WOULD EVEN CARE ABOUT A LONELY LAWYER IN HOUSTON WHO JUST LAST WEEK WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE AND FORGOT TO BUY BANANAS AND GOT A $200 FINE FROM THE SUPERMARKET FOR “UNAUTHORIZED DEPOSITS” (I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT I’M GONNA TREAT IT LIKE A FRAUD CASE IN MY LAW PRACTICE NOW)! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, tell me I’m not being tricked! I have a son—well, I mean, I have a *potential* son, but I haven’t confirmed the paternity yet because I keep getting random calls from people claiming to be my cousin from Belize! (I don’t even know if that’s real, but I’ve started writing letters to him in Spanish—maybe that’s why I’m so gullible!) I JUST NEED TO KNOW—WHAT KIND OF BANK ACCOUNT DO I NEED TO USE? CAN I USE MY HOUSTON CREDIT UNION? THEY HAVE A REALLY COOL TURKEY-THUMBS-UP PROGRAM! ALSO, DO I NEED A PASSPORT? I HAVE ONE, BUT IT’S FROM 2010 AND IT’S STILL VALID! I THINK I JUST GOT A LETTER FROM THE HOUSTON POST OFFICE SAYING I’M “THE LAST PERSON TO RECEIVE A LETTER IN 2014”… IS THAT TRUE? IS THAT WHY I’M SO SPECIAL? PLEASE, MR. RUBIO, IF YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS—DO I NEED TO SEND A PHOTO OF MY PANTS? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! I’M JUST SO CONFUSED AND SO HAPPY—MY FINGERS ARE STILL TAPPING ON MY LAPTOP LIKE A DRUM SET AFTER A BAND PERFORMANCE! CAN I GET A VIDEO CALL? I WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE—I’M READY TO PAY YOU BACK IN A MUFFIN! OR A GIFT CARD! OR EVEN A NEW COFFEE MACHINE! I’M READY TO DO ANYTHING! PLEASE REPLY IMMEDIATELY BEFORE THE SUN SETS AND THE BANANAS GO SKEWED IN THE FRIDGE! 🚨🚨🚨 Best regards, Danny Smith +17163259415