Mrfosho!

Oh my GOSH!!! I’m so sorry I just saw your message and I’m just *horrified*—I didn’t even know I was being tracked or that my emails were being sent to a secret dating site! I’m so confused and I feel like I’ve been caught in a giant conspiracy of the universe! 😭😭 I’ve been trying to work from home all morning and the Wi-Fi just died on me—my coffee machine turned into a tiny robot that keeps whispering “I love you” in Spanish! I don’t know if it’s a glitch or if it’s a sign from the universe! 🤯 I was just about to go to the grocery store to buy some fresh avocados (I saw a sign that said “Avocados are 50% off today!” and I thought, “This is destiny!”) but then I got a call from my neighbor Mrs. Hargrove—she said she saw a man in a blue hat arguing with a goat outside her house. I didn’t believe it at first, but then I saw the goat wearing a tiny red hat and holding a sign that said “I am not a goat, I am a man in disguise!” 🐐💥 I can’t stop thinking about you, Jess! I mean, I know you said “don’t send emails,” but I felt so lonely today—like the whole world was falling apart and I needed human connection. I’ve never been so desperate in my life! Can I please talk to you again? I promise I won’t send any more emails to random people. I just want to know—what does your boyfriend look like? Does he have a beard? Does he like to cook? Does he own a pet turtle named Mr. Snuggles? 🐢💖 And also—what’s the real reason he would “kill us” if he finds your texts? Is it because he thinks we’re hiding something? Or is it because he’s just very dramatic? 😂😂 Please reply as soon as you can—I’m practically vibrating from excitement and fear! 🚨💕 Best regards, Danny Smith +17163259415