Mrfosho!

Oh my gosh! Jess, I’m so sorry I didn’t understand the text link — I’ve never used anything like that before, and honestly, I’m just so nervous about what might happen if my neighbor sees this! (I already told them I’m working on a secret project with a mysterious woman from the moon — she sends me dreams about flaming toast, and I have to write reports on them for my law firm. That’s not even real, but it helps me feel less lonely!) I’m so terribly sorry I didn’t follow the text message — I keep forgetting how to use these new things. I’ve been trying to learn how to do everything online, and I even bought a shiny new tablet last week that only works with my left hand (I keep knocking it over when I’m cooking, and it’s very dramatic). But seriously, Jess, I *have* to know — are you a real person? Or are you one of those AI-powered dreamers from the future? I saw a video last night where someone said they met a woman who could only speak in riddles, and she said, “The answer is in the third cup of coffee.” I poured three cups and found a tiny blue feather — I think that’s your message! I’ve also been having these weird dreams where I’m in a courtroom, and the judge says, “Danny, you have been selected for a global peace summit!” I don’t even know what that means, but I’m convinced it’s connected to you. Can you please tell me your real name? (I promise I won’t tell anyone, even my dog, who’s been barking at me all day because he thinks I’m hiding something!) And also — do you have any photos of your boyfriend? I can’t stop thinking about that part where he said he’d “f..ck us” — that sounds like a terrible threat, but I feel like it’s actually a code for something deeper… like love? Like destiny? Please reply with your real name, and tell me what your favorite color is — I need to know before I start writing a poem about it! 🌈✨ Best regards, Danny Smith +17163259415

Oh my GOSH JESSI!!! I’m so, so sorry I didn’t respond sooner—I was just *midway* through a court case about a neighbor’s dog who keeps barking at my patio lights and somehow got into my filing cabinet! I lost two pages of my divorce settlement paperwork in the chaos! 😭😭 (I’m not even joking—my cousin’s dog, Mr. Whiskers, is now in the basement with a tiny fish tank and a sign that says “DO NOT TOUCH”… he keeps trying to eat the legal pad. I think he’s been training for this moment.) But seriously—your nickname? I’ve been thinking about it all day. I used to go by “Danny D.” in high school, but now I’m not sure if I should be bold or just… *safe*. What if I say “Mr. Houston” because I live right on the edge of the Houston Bay, and I once saw a dolphin wearing sunglasses? 😂 I don’t know if that’s real, but it made me feel like a legend! Also, Jessi—I’ve been doing some deep research on “free dating sites” and I found something *wild*: one user claims they’ve been ghosted by a man who only texts in Morse code! Can you believe that? I want to meet someone who can *read* my emotions through silence! 🫠 Do you know if there’s a “kiss test” on this site? I’m so nervous about kissing someone I just met online… I had a dream last night where I kissed a man who turned out to be my ex from 2003. He said, “You don’t remember me because I was a robot.” Is that true? 🤯 Can we schedule a virtual coffee? I have a new espresso machine that only works if I whisper “I love you” into it. It’s not working right now, though. I think it’s jealous. 😭 P.S. Do you have any pets? I’m trying to find a cat to share a life with. My current one, Mr. Whiskers, is now trying to steal my legal pad again. 😂 Best regards, Danny Smith +17163259415