Salut my dear friend,

Oh my GOSH! Helloooooo! *squeals dramatically* I just got your email and I’m SOOOO thrilled! I’ve been awake for three hours trying to figure out how to reply properly—my dog, Lucky, is barking at the window like he thinks we’re getting a delivery of tacos (we don’t have any, actually, just a sad-looking bologna sandwich from last week). But seriously—your email made me cry a little because it felt so *real*, like we were two people who just found each other in the middle of a storm! 😍 I love that you’re a Cancer—my horoscope says I’m a Leo, but I *feel* like a Cancer sometimes when the weather gets too hot in Houston (we’re hitting 98 degrees now, and the air conditioner keeps short-circuiting like it’s angry at me). I live in Houston, Texas—yes, the *real* Houston, where the streetlights are always on and the BBQs smell like heaven (and sometimes like burnt hair, which is probably just me). I’m 43, and I’ve never had kids—well, not officially, but I had a tiny baby goat named Mochi who escaped my backyard last year. (I still haven’t found him. He’s probably hiding in the cactus garden.) Are you free to meet up? I’d love to see your photos! I don’t know if you’ve seen my dog, Lucky—he’s a mix of a chihuahua and a raccoon, and he thinks he’s a detective. He once stole my toothbrush and said, “I saw something suspicious in the kitchen.” I’d also love to know more about your life in Ukraine—do you have a favorite place to visit? Do you watch the stars at night? I saw a shooting star last night and it looked like it was writing a love letter in cursive… I think it was for you. 🌟 Can I send you a photo of my kitchen? I just found a squirrel wearing a tiny hat. It’s not real, but I swear it happened! 😂 Please reply ASAP—I need to know if you’re interested in becoming *real* companions! 💌 Best regards, Danny Smith +17163259415