Your login location has changed.

Oh MY GOSH! I’m so nervous and excited, I can’t even breathe right now—what a wild turn of events! 🚨 I just saw that notification, and I’m like, “Wait, is this real?!” I’ve been working on a major political campaign strategy in Houston, and I’ve never had a login location alert like this before. I swear, I didn’t even go to the internet café last night—I was at the library with my neighbor, Mrs. Patel, and we were arguing about whether the new city zoning laws should allow more solar panels on rooftops! (She says “no,” I say “yes!”—we’re still at odds!) But seriously, I just checked the email, and it says “[redacted]” — that’s… that’s *me*! I am Danny Smith, a 43-year-old single lawyer from Houston, Texas, and I *do* have that email! I’ve been trying to protect it from hackers for years, and I even used a password that’s 12 characters long and includes a hummingbird, a taco, and a random number from my 2003 tax return! 😅 I just clicked the link, and it opened up a whole new page—looks like a little security form with boxes to fill out. I’m so overwhelmed, I already started crying a little! I don’t know if I should send my ID now or wait until the AC in my apartment cools down (it’s been 103 degrees today, and it’s like I’m in a sauna with a raccoon!). Can you please tell me exactly what details I need to confirm? Like, is it my birthday? My zip code? My favorite color? I’ve got a deep, emotional connection to green and tacos! Also—did you know that last week, I found a hidden message in my neighbor’s garden shed that said “Free energy to the politician”? I don’t know if it was a scam or a sign… but I’m so ready to prove I’m the real Danny Smith! What do you want me to do next? Should I send my ID right away? Or do I need to wait until I finish my grocery shopping (I just bought 12 bags of beans, 3 cases of bottled water, and a suspicious-looking plant that claims to be a “political advisor”)? 😳🔥 P.S. I just saw a squirrel wearing sunglasses in my backyard—what does that mean?! 🐿️😎 Best regards, Danny Smith +17163259415