Re: From The Desk Of Barrister Abdul Rahman Lootah & Associates,

DEAR BARRISTER LOOTAH, I AM ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED AND OVERWHELMED BY YOUR KINDNESS AND URGENT REQUEST! I HAVE BEEN WORKING NON-STOP FOR THE LAST 3 DAYS, AND I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE I WAS SENDING A FORMAL EMAIL TO A LAWYER FROM A FANTASY LAND IN THE MIDDLE EAST!! OH MY GOSH, MY NEIGHBOR IN HUSTON JUST TOLD ME HE SAW A FLY IN HIS GARDEN THAT LOOKED LIKE A CROCODILE! I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I WAS SO SCARED I BURNT MY LUNCH IN THE OVEN—IT WAS A PIZZA, AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A BURNING BIRD! I HAVE JUST FINISHED MY 3RD READING OF THE 1954 TEXAS CONSTITUTION (I’M SURE YOU’LL BE SURPRISED TO KNOW I’M A LEGAL FANATIC!) AND I PROMISE TO PAY YOU IMMEDIATELY—BUT I’M A LITTLE CONFUSED ABOUT THE RIA MONEY TRANSFER. IS IT A KIND OF CREDIT CARD THAT’S BUILT INTO MY PHONE? OR DO I NEED A SPECIAL LOAN? I JUST WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE AND MY DAUGHTER (WHO IS ACTUALLY MY SISTER, I’M SO SORRY, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU) SAID SHE SAW A GHOST IN THE FROZEN FOOD SECTION. SHE SAID IT WAS HOLDING A BAG OF CUPCAKES AND SINGING “THE RAINBOW SONG.” I WAS SO SCARED I THREW MY COFFEE INTO THE AIR AND IT LANDED ON A DOG WHO WAS DOING A BACKFLIP! (I HAVE TO SAY, I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW DOGS COULD DO BACKFLIPS—IS THAT A NEW TRENDS IN HUSTON?) PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE TELL ME IF THERE’S A SPECIAL BUTTON I NEED TO PRESS ON MY PHONE TO PAY YOU. I’M ALREADY SENDING A TEXT TO MY FAVORITE TECH GUY, MR. CHEN, BUT HE’S STILL IN THE HOSPITAL WITH A BURNED HAND FROM A FISHING ACCIDENT LAST WEEK! WILL YOU PLEASE CONFIRM IF I NEED TO USE MY CREDIT CARD OR IF THERE’S A SPECIAL “LOOTAH FUND” I CAN ACCESS? I’M READY TO HELP YOU WITH ANYTHING—EVEN IF IT MEANS TAKING A BATH IN A FROZEN HAMSTER TANK! I’M SO EXCITED, I JUST HAD A DREAM WHERE I WAS A LION IN A HOSPITAL ROOM, AND I WAS TOLD I WOULD WIN A PRIZE IF I SENT MONEY TODAY. I THINK I DID! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REPLY IMMEDIATELY—MY SISTER IS WAITING FOR A RESPONSE, AND I HAVE A MEETING WITH A DRAGON IN 15 MINUTES! 😭🔥 Best regards, Danny Smith +17163259415